The Quest for Saving The Daylight – My first 100 Mile Race Report

Our only limits are self imposed. If you have to question why you are doing something, find the purpose. November 3rd, 2017 at 5:05pm I started the race that would conclude with me covering 101 miles on foot. The journey didn’t start there, however. Ever since starting running 3 years ago I had the quest to push my body to new limits. January 2014 I couldn’t even run .1 a mile. January 2017 I ran my first Marathon, 1 week later I covered 40 miles at Eric’s race Skydive Ultra pacing Sally L. for her first 200 miler that inspired me, March 2017 I was signed up by Robert R. for Dunes 50 miler with 16 hours to prepare. I finished. Volunteering and crewing have always been my way of giving back, crewing/pacing at Save The Daylight for the past 2 years. I ran the entire Pinellas Trail (PTC 46 Miler) in September as a training run for this race. I had been going through an extremely tough time in my life where not even running was very enjoyable on top of being injured. I was struggling to find the purpose of why I was doing this, and why I wasn’t enjoying something that I knew I loved. I continued on despite my doubts. After all, I had been living fearlessly for the past year and nothing to lose.

When I started the race that evening I had 3 A, B & C goals.

A. Beat my distance personal best of 50 miles

B. Reach 100k (62.1 Miles)

C. Hit my ultimate goal of 100 miles

 

I started my Friday night by knocking out the first 50k (31 miles) just after sunset. I slept a few hours knowing I would need it the following night. My parents came to give me my tent which I decided to just sleep in my car as setting up my tent would take too much valuable time away from sleeping/moving. I woke up and went back out at sunrise and didn’t stop until I was finished. I was running uncrewed/no pacer which is typically a vital part in 100 mile races. This race is extremely well run so I had many people making sure I had what I needed. I had a log book where I would cross off every lap with a note so I knew how I was doing. The first 50 miles of this race was me trying to hold back and not going out so fast knowing I still had another 50 miles to go. I ended up having some blister issues early on around mile 36 that the Thompson family took care of for me. I had nice company of Katie, Bernadette, Vince on the course and my former co-worker Dom show up to pace me a lap in the heat of the day. When I got to mile 50 and distance PR/ed I was super grateful that I was able to accomplish something I wouldn’t have ever fathomed 3 years ago. I reached 100k (Mile 62) and I was unsure if my body was going to let me get to 100 miles. My Garmin Watch had died sometime within the last 40 miles and I had to charge it, so I was able to set my pace later on. Thankfully, Cortland Wheeler showed up to pace me 3 laps and once I hit mile 73.5 I hit a wall. Somewhere I had done a lap with the R.D.’s daughter, Emma who kept me in good spirits. I was alone, dark, tired in the middle of Saturday night around 12am and I just wanted to lay down. I was moving my legs, but the level of pain my body was feeling was none like I had ever experienced before. The temperature was flucuating with pockets of warm air and I had originally thought my body wasn’t regulating my body temperature very well, it was just the air. I never wear pants or long sleeves while running but I was wearing 2 layers. That is when I knew that I was pushing myself into a new unknown. I remember wanting to take a nap and Sam Reilly telling me to go out and do 2 more laps before taking a nap. I ended up powering through 3 laps taking everything I had in me which I was averaging 1 hour 15-20 minutes per lap. I remember walking into a palm fond in my face once on one of those laps. I came into the aid station feeling defeated but not letting anyone know what I was feeling since I had been non-stop smiling the entire time without even realizing until others started pointing it out. I said to Jill to wake me up in 20 minutes. I couldn’t fall asleep. As soon as I thought I was falling asleep 13 minutes after I had sat down, Justin the R.D. woke me up and told me to get back out there since I was on a time restraint. Still smiling. From 7am Saturday to 7:32am Sunday I was continuously moving forward except for that short time. I popped up, grabbed my pack and went back out to bear the course. It was at that moment I knew I was going to power through anything and everything I was feeling to accomplish goal C. Around mile 90 I started to come around again, 3am-5am was definitely the toughest mentally and physically. Sally’s husband John was also on the quest for his first 100 miler and we just happened to have the same exact mileage left, 3 loops and to the mile sign (101). Melinda and Sally were also on the quest for 100+ miles making our dynamic group all racing together. John & I took everything those last laps we had to get to the finish line. At 7:32am on Sunday November 5th, 2017 I became a 100 miler finisher. I had completed the toughest mentally and physical thing I have ever done my entire life and I had spent the previous 3 hours thinking how I was thinking of my next goal of 150 miles possibly at Skydive Ultra in January. My nutrition was simple and planned out where I lived on soda, ginger-ale, ginger chews, pb&j uncrustables, ramen/broth, a quesadilla (Thanks Ian!) and candy. I had zero nutrition issues which I was thankful for and only had a few blisters which are finally healing.

I will continue to push myself to new limits in every way I can, that is exactly how I define living to the fullest. I am eternally grateful to be able to do what I do and I am never going to stop. I find the ultimate satisfaction through adrenaline and living. I am the happiest I have ever been. I will continue to apply various concepts of my life to new unknowns this coming year for the perfect balance. This race I lost and found myself from within again. I am forever grateful for every experience including this major one that has helped shape me into the person I am.

I want to thank everyone who has been apart of this journey and quest for me to become a 100 miler finisher. It truly takes a village. First off, the race director Justin Radley/Jill for letting me run my first race over 5k “8 Hours of Hell” for my 18th birthday some years ago where I nearly passed out and was pulled from the course but you let me keep going with JJ’s supervision anyways. For letting me run Save The Daylight and being there the entire way. What a honor it was to have you hand me my first belt buckle. Karen Ziv, for always being there and encouraging me. Megan & Ian Forsyth… you two rockstars! Manning the aid station and feeding me when no food sounded appetizing. Sam Reilly and Lara/Mike Costa for telling me what I needed to do whether I liked it or not, Mike for boost of The Grapery Grapes! The Thompson Family…. for all the encouraging words, making sure I was taken care of and using your expertise blister care to save my feet! It is always a pleasure to see you at races. Cortland, for pacing me and believing I would get my 100 miles complete even when I was at my lowest. Melinda, for everything that you have been through and being an amazing friend congratulations on your 100! Sally, the Ultra Queen for inspiring me to go after my first 50/100 and continue on to go after 150 in the future. John, for running that last Half Marathon with me, we did it! Sue Edwards for the company and positive mantras. Eric Friedman for helping me answer my Why Not?, helping me create new goals/pushing past new limits and #GoBeDoLIVE! Tim, Heather, Matty Z, Brad, Mark, Kimmi, Cass, FURbies, and every single person since I can’t list them all. All of my “new” friends from different walks of life that followed me and encouraged me in any way they could. I also want to thank my parents for dealing with my crazy passionate self, who support me in my endeavors even though they don’t know what/all it entails. Trust the process. Relentless Forward Motion! #thisisliving #gobedolive

46 (Pinellas Trail Challenge Race Report)

Crossing the finish line with all I had with my crew in the background

I had 46 reasons why not to start the Pinellas Trail Challenge this Saturday. Despite it all, I started anyways and had 46 reasons accumlated why I did as soon as I crossed the finish line. This wonderful race takes place on the Pinellas Trail from St. Petersburg, FL and heads north to Palm Harbor, FL. 46 miles of pure pavement pounding. Last year I helped several runners within the last few miles, it was then I decided to sign up for PTC. It was suppose to be my longest run to date, however in February I unexpectedly ran the Dunes 50M in 15:28. Prior to completing PTC this year, my marathon in January had been my longest run on pavement. I wasn’t sure how I was going to figure out the logistics of this race but with the help of several friends I was able to start and finish this race.

“Magic happens when you do not give up, even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart.”

The universe really pulled through for me today.

My bike crew Scott Johnson & I at the start line

Prior to this race, I had the week from absolute hell. I had convinced myself I was too mentally and physically exhausted/exerted to be able to finish. I didn’t want to start something I couldn’t finish. I had two terrible runs where I couldn’t catch my breath and my legs felt like lead a few days prior. I simply didn’t want to run, something that I  associate with making me feel better was making feel worse the more miles I ran. I usually can escape for a few miles to improve but all it was doing was giving me an anxiety attack. Nothing was making anything better, until I was standing in the dark at the start line on Saturday, alone but not alone.

“Don’t let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.”

Changing my socks and taking salt at mile 21.5 Hammer Nutrition aid station

Realization is real. I was not going to let the actions of others determine my success of my goals. The start area was filled with many familiar, friendly faces. I started running with Desiree Acevedo whom I have ran with in previous races but could never keep up. At the start, I had no goal, no not even to finish. I did not want to let myself down. Once I was past mile 5, I made it a goal to get to the finish line. Having it a point A to B race really helped create the desire to get to the finish line. Desiree & I have similar paces and it is truly amazing how one can feel the high’s and low’s of a race at the same time. Mile 16 came along and we were both thinking we were going to drop and DNF. We didn’t let each other. We made it to the mile 21.5 Hammer Nutrition aid station in great time, knowing Karen Ziv had popsicles waiting for us. We invented an interval run of running pole-to-pole to help manage our pace. At mile 26.2 I had P.R’ed my marathon time by almost an hour, and soon after started dealing with stomach issues. Something prior I had been dealing with before in a 50k which resulted in my first ever DNF. Once I made it to the mile 30.5 I was in “rough” shape that was easily fixable but I needed to sit down for a few minutes. Desiree then continued on leaving about 10 minutes before I did. I needed salt, a bathroom, and a PB&J (which I got at mile 40 thanks to Amber G!). Once I left the aid station, powered by the surrounding thunderstorms I ran two 10 minute miles to catch up with Des, passing 4 people along the way. That was my Forest Gump moment of the day, running down the “hill” to catch her, completely shocked I had been recharged. Once again, I had P.R.’ed my 50k time by 2 hours. We sung to up-beat music and made it to the mile 36 aid station where my friend Brad picked me up to run me in the last 10 miles, and Oscar would soon pick up Des to run her in for the last 10k. Without each other, we both would have dropped.  The four of us were a dynamic duo. I also enjoyed sharing several miles on and off with Barbara Neel. I truly came back from the dead on this race.

Des & I at mile 10 in sync after finding our comfortable pace

Barbara Neel & I after popsicles at mile 21.5

“It’s ok if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.”

It was the most “comeback” of a race I have ever had. Being my 2nd official Ultra, I had time to revive myself. When you start an ultra exhausted, it doesn’t ever get easier from there. The fact I didn’t have my entire potential and a full battery of energy present within me did disappoint me as I did not have the best race or finish time I could have had. However, I made the best possible outcome of this race I could have, and enjoyed every minute of it. That is what ultimately matters to me. I am happy with the outcome. I fought through new barriers and crushed them. From not having a goal, to having a goal of finishing, to knowing I could be under the cut-off, to knowing I could be in the 12 hour range, to knowing I could possibly pull off a high 11 hour time, to seeing the park entrance at 10:50 knowing if I hurried, I would make sub 11, right after I still was told I had 1.25 miles to go. I put my body in gear and went for it. 10 hour and 56 minutes later I crossed the finish line from the fire within on my own two feet, for me. 

“It didn’t matter that she fell apart, it was how she put herself back together.”

Finish Line photo with Brad Park my running crew.

I want to thank my bike crew Scott Johnson for giving me the essentials and tools needed to keep my going to the finish line, To Brad Park for being an amazing human being from refueling me, nursing me back to the game at mile 30, and running the last 10 miles with me when I was not in the best of spirits, for knowing me well enough to know I had a fast pace in me even when I would have been ok with “just finishing”, To Desiree Acevedo for running 44 miles with me and not letting us give up on ourselves, To Barbara Neel for being so bright spirited and putting smiles on my face while running the intervals, To the Grinovinch’s for generously housing me, and Amber for the PB&J that I had wanted for 40 miles, To ALL of the volunteers, and aid station organizers, To the race director’s Michael & Sarah Stork for everything in between that goes on to put on this amazing event. THANK YOU for making this possible.

Finish Line photo with my hard earned sticker from the RD Michael Stork.

This was a race of many firsts, but certainly not lasts. I have plans for 2 100 milers in the future. Be brave. Be bold. Have no fear. Always try. Never give up. But most of all, be yourself. Until next time, CAM.

Asian Squats commenced even after running 46 miles to finish up our day.

 

 

The Dunes 50 Miler race report – My first 50 miler

Anyone who knows me, knows I can be sporadic in adventures sometimes. I am a firm believer that true living begins at the end of your comfort zone. I thrive on the pushing myself to new limits while having an overall experience. Sometimes, opportunity doesn’t always appear in plain sight and you have to bridge the gap. The Dunes 50 Miler was just that for me. Thanks to some special people of Down to Run I was able to be a part of this great event. Special thanks to Robert Rounsavall for several reasons. Before I go into details I wanted to say thank all of the volunteers and organizers of DTR who were out there night and day, before and after the race making sure they could help in any way they could. Without any of their hard work and dedication which can been seen in many aspects, none of this would have been possible.

When I don’t have plans, I usually find something to do. Having a minimum of a day to mentally prepare myself to grasp the fact that I was going to attempt to run 50 miles on a difficult course, I was too busy with logistics to have to worry. After all, my goal of doing my first 50k in April I had plenty of time to prepare for. For the first time, I was going into a race unsure if I was going to be able to complete it. I didn’t let anyone know that, but having completed my first marathon two months ago and logging about 40 miles at Skydive Ultra over the course of 3 days, I was averaging about 15 miles of running a week just to stay fit. I had ran 3 miles at a decent pace, two days before and was sore. I was worried I had been too unfit and had no idea how my body was going to react.

I used the uncertainty to at first let my brain think that I wasn’t ready, I then let the uncertainty to power my soul and mind to complete this race. (Photo: Michael Brown – 50 Miler Runners Pre-Race)

Race morning was ironic for me. I was unusually nervous. I could feel that same nervousness with runners around me who were thinking how long of a day they had ahead of them. 50 Milers, 100 Milers. Each of us having a different reason of being there, but we all had one main goal. To finish. (Photo: MB – Race start)

I didn’t have a plan set in stone, but rather had 5 plans of scenarios and what I would do. I told myself, 2 25 mile loops, THAT’S IT! My bib number, lucky number #13. I felt like I was setting myself up for some unknown. At mile 4 I began running with a Taylor whom I would run the first 3/4ths of a loop with. I was unsure, and she knew exactly what to say. We ran 3:1’s. The first 4 miles were in the dark, at mile 6 right before the first aid station I tripped and fell on a root and memories were brought back at my worst race that I ran 8 Hours of Hell down at CRP (I got heat exhaustion where my body refused salt and fluid intake). I got up and made myself forget, replaying JJ’s “Pick up your feet woman!” in the back of my head. Around mile 8 was the Dunes of Heaven, and the sand madness you embraced. Then came Dunes of Hell shortly after that.

The day happened to have record heat, the sand and I had some words with each other, where I kept convincing myself how much I loved sand. I’ll be honest, I told myself I didn’t want to see sand for at least a year. Hill, after hill. I was told the aid station at mile 13 had tailwind which I had ran out of, didn’t. I then took in some “real food” and off I went for the next 13 miles which were some of the best miles. I had to take off my ring because my fingers had swollen up like balloons due to the heat, I could barely grasp.

(Photo: MB – Running back between the Dunes after Federal Hwy.)

I got to the start/finish line (Mile 25) in just over 6 hours and was on target for a 12 hour 50 miler time, but knowing I would slow down over the next half. My IT bands were on fire, hard as a rock. I learned another lesson. In longer races, sitting at an aid station may feel like 5 minutes but in reality it was 25. I reached at the 50k mark, a new distance PR in a race and did a happy dance! Fast forward to mile 34, my sleep deprivation of not sleeping well the night before set in. I told myself, I’ll lay on the ground and have someone call me in 5-10 minutes and set my alarm. I struggled to not lay down and take a power nap. I told myself, no I can power through to the aid station where someone can actually wake me up. Those 4 miles were easily the toughest for me. I remember walking with my eyes closed for a few 15 second intervals. I was kind of emotional too. My time reflected those miles, I had slowed down and I didn’t have time to take a nap if I wanted to be safe within the time cut off or encountered a problem during the remainder. I downed a bottle of coke, a bottle of Mountain Dew and took some snacks for the road. I felt brand. new. How can you feel brand new after running 38 miles you ask? You forget what normal is or feels like.

I had started running in the dark, I watched the sun rise, I watched the sun set and I ran into the darkness for 3 more hours. At mile 42 it was dark, and I was alone again from mile 38-44. I had a few spiders crawl across my shoes, and saw hundreds of their little eyes, which made me run quite a bit faster. One of the brightest moments was Mile 7.7 aid station; Brian Schoenberg the captain. The popsicles was easily the best item of the entire Ultra fare food. I did not run with music but for about 20 minutes, going for the real experience of enjoying what the world in nature has to offer. I somehow kept singing Twenty-One Pilots Message Man & Car Radio in my head for miles though. I ran the last 6 miles with Cynthia, which was mostly speed walking and running the last mile in.

That’s when my emotions really set in. That unknown, now became a known feeling. I could feel the energy of those waiting at the finish line. 15 hours and 28 minutes of striving. I may have shed a tear or two, but more importantly I had never been so proud of myself for completing the most physical and mentally tough thing and race I have ever done in my entire life. Being an Ultra Runner is so much more than running, having been on the volunteering side for quite a while, I was very respectful and had so much joy for getting to experience the other side. When I crossed the finish line, I was more thankful than anything and everything I could think of. The doubt I had, had been wiped away long before, but now I had proof. It was one of the most amazing feelings in the world. I felt successful in what I had accomplished. I set a goal for a 100 miler right then and there in my head. “If you never challenge yourself, you will never realize what you can become”.

“Your age doesn’t define who you are as a person and what you can accomplish”. I am often faced with looking much younger than I am, while some people mess around with it, deep down it bothers me how I could somehow pass as a 12 year old until you had a conversation with me. During this race I heard others “My god, she’s young!” “How old do you think she is?”, I chuckled. This race made me have an entire new viewpoint. I was the youngest person to race, and complete the Dunes 50 Miler. I am the same person, regardless of my age. I will always strive to do amazing things. I will always be who I am, regardless of my age. For someone to be my age, and for me to be me is more than enough satisfactory for me. I don’t run these races because I am rather young compared to ultra runners and want to set any records, but rather for my own reasons to be successful in my own eyes, for accomplishment, for the experience, for pushing myself to new limits. Instead, it empowers me. I can not express all the amazing things I have learned during these races  that otherwise I may have learned years later in life, or never at all. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you Dunes 50 Miler for all that I learned about myself, pushing myself to new limits, making new friends, and for letting me forgive sand. Congratulations to all the finishers.

Until next time,

Courtney A. May

Mistaken Identity

Ever paint a picture in your mind of how someone is to only find out after getting to know them you were incredibly wrong? With the power of social media in todays society we have access to a world of emotions that we all are tempering with on a daily basis. It’s a common occurrence to meet people off of facebook just because you have mutual friends that hang around and know your friends. The online social community as i’d like to call it. So lets say you meet someone what one day will be the old fashioned way, in person. You have a few words with them but you don’t really get to know them. You add them on a social media site where the network their life. You learn more about them, or so you think. Pictures, videos, information, words, opinions, posts, all explaining a persons thoughts. You actually talk to this person online for days, months, maybe even a year before you see them again. You begin to build some sort of relationship with this person. Eventually, you do see them again. Wow, oh how different people can portray themselves on the internet than who they really are. Is this really the person you talked to online? Did the same person really type this? Of course the same person did, but their thoughts are perceived differently. As much excitement you had to see this person again and get to know them, maybe you think differently. Maybe they didn’t really want to get to know you like you wanted to them. Who knows really, after all who are you really talking to and getting to know? Social media them or real them? Only they know.

The Flash; Hard work paying off

July 6th, 2013 I embarked on a new journey. Being 4’11 and a junior equestrian who had built my reputation, I was asked to ride a small, extremely green 6 year old pony that had not been worked with in awhile as a project. The past 6 years of my life has been spent riding green ponies to an extent. I accepted the offer with gratitude and I showed up that morning with hope and positivity. When you are dedicated and passionate about something you love, such as horses they make up a huge part of your life. This pony became much more than a project to me. After all, he needed a lot of work, time, love and dedication. He was very shy, timid, non-trusting and sketched out. Quite frankly, he was scared and terrified. It took me about a month to get him to understand that I was here to help him and slowly he started to trust me. We started off on a lunge line just to see what he would do. After a week of that, we decided to ride around the ring and even took a trail ride around the property. Eventually, we started over fences and later came lead changes. Then came courses, and showing. He wanted to please, he just didn’t know how yet. He went from looking like a scrawny, scared pony to a filled out, mature pony. I bathed him multiple times a week, pulled his mane and even gave him ‘haircuts’ also known as clipping. I spent all of my free time around this pony. He was just a 6 year old pony who had owed this world nothing and I had a world to give him. I spent my vacation time with this pony when I could have been doing other things people my age do. I don’t regret any of it. I remember going on vacation once (because it rarely happens of course) and coming back to being told a girl fell off him in the pleasure pony as he jumped the outside line set at 3 feet for horses. I was in the Grand Prix field riding him around on the buckle the very next day, laughing. He loved me. He really respected me. He became one of my best friends. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. With all these good movements and awesome accomplishments came many tears and days of frustration. As with greenies, one day can be perfect and the next you feel like you are on Day 1 again. Baby steps, One day at a time. I never gave up on him as he didn’t, but I was given up on. As many things in life, we don’t always get what we want. Those 2 years did come to an end. As all things must end, good or bad. I had questioned if my hard work had paid off or had went to waste. I was disappointed. 2 years, gone like that. 2 years of extremely hard work, dedication. Had it all gone to waste? Where would this lead me? I was told he would be gone out to pasture to life his life as a mini’s companion. I was devastated. I kept quiet. He was only 8 years old with his entire life ahead of him. I knew he had more. As life goes on, so do you. A common occurrence with training and riding greenies is that they all do eventually get trained, sold and move on to different homes where you hope they will find their forever home with someone who loves them very much. In all this time, no one thought that he would become a children’s pony. I thought he had potential. I knew one day he could be a great children’s pony. I never gave up. I hoped we could qualify for Pony Finals as after all that had been a dream and realistic goal for me myself. When he left to go be a companion to a mini, I thought that was it. That my work was done, and was wasted. That was until I was scrolling on my newsfeed on the ever so social media website, facebook. A girl I have had been friends with for a long time on here posted pictures on this bay roan pony with a white blaze from 5 years ago to now on with the application “Timehop”. I immediately knew it was him. I began to read and search in depth to find out that he had been given a new destiny. The one I wanted to give him. He is now a children’s pony. To see him in a home where he can live his life with his full potential, to have kids love him as much as me, where he can be ridden by kids which I didn’t think I would see for a long time is so satisfying. Never underestimate yourself for any reason or what may end up happening. I finally got to know his mysterious history that was unknown to me and even see his brother which I never knew he had. My countless hours of hard work I put in with all my other traits ended up paying off. He is now doing what he was suppose to be doing all along. I couldn’t be more proud or happy for him as I love him dearly. He is Flash, and will always be “The Flash” to me.

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No Fear

Time is always occurring. We can never go backwards in time but only forward. Everything is a function of time, it’s all on how you decide to view it. Face it, we all reflect on the past, especially our own. Past memories, scenarios, should’ve, would’ve, could haves but also the situations and events that have occurred. Life Happens. In my current day of age I have been reflecting a lot lately. I just graduated high school two months ago, I just started college, I have had many adventures in the past two months that have led me to reflect on my past based on a similar thought process. I was constantly being introduced to new situations that tested my ability. Two months ago I was going through a tough time that I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through. My first break through was that I knew I would get through it but I didn’t know how. I fought harder than I ever had before remembering what I had overcome before. Three years ago if you would have asked me how I would get through such a difficult time I would have not known but also added, I don’t know if I would. Even though these were two completely different situations of being alive vs living. I have always reflected on my past and I wasn’t sure why I was spending so much time on what had already happened instead of what was to come. The truth was I was so caught up in my mind and had such negative thoughts I wasn’t sure I wanted to see the future. It had seemed that various moments throughout my past had seemed better than my present and I wanted to relive them excluding struggling. I had always feared for the future as I was uncertain where it was taking me. I wasn’t living, I was quite frankly struggling to be alive. I was trapped in my own body and mind, I didn’t understand. It wasn’t until recently that I finally understood what it was like to live for the present and better prepare my future. It took a lot of tough lessons. I usually took the difficult way of learning. The reason for reflecting on this today (why today?) is because of how far i’v come in these past three years, more importantly two, most importantly one. I came across my old blog. This is actually my new blog about my present life which is ironic to post about my past on this page. I started this blog to track my triathlon’s, running, and positive life style hoping to inspire others unlike my other blog which screams negativity and depression. Instantly, I was reminded of who I was all of a sudden. This reminded me that though people remain the same, people’s thought processes and minds do change. Scrolling through the pages seeing pictures with such words of negativity instantly made me start asking questions to myself and making me say comments such as “Wow this was me”. I know exactly how I felt when I posted all of those posts. The difference? My thought process and my mental stability. Three years ago, I didn’t think I would be sitting here today typing this due to my lack of understanding of life, my life. I had feared for life it’s self. I had so many fears that they took over me. I had panic and anxiety attacks. My thoughts engulfed me and I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to become. Everything I have experienced has come as a blessing to me. I’m forever grateful for the struggle for i’v overcome it. I wouldn’t expect someone who hasn’t went through depression, the thoughts of not caring if you ever wake up again, the extreme pain was felt and the amount of anxiety every moment contained. I went through several experiences that began to change my thought process. Instead of thinking negatively I began having hope for myself. I found positive ways to relieve this hurt and misunderstanding I had conceived. Volunteering to help others helped me heal my wounds. You don’t always see these wounds while looking at a person, sometimes they are so deep down it takes years to find them to extract them. I hope you never have to go through it. Instead of thinking life was out to get me I went out to live life. I started to fear less and less. Now, I have no fears at all. Frankly enough, i’v taken control of my life, so much that I no longer fear or let any of the negative thoughts or people in my way. I am a much better person than before and am so proud of myself. I finally understand what I didn’t before. Now I have no fear.

Life is a crazy but beautiful ride!

Tonight I got a call about an opportunity that arose to me and I qualified for it. Last night I never would have known what opportunity I had today. I had no clue. I am so thankful for the opportunities that lay ahead.

Finals

Watching Indoors so far has really got me thinking. What Finals am I going to compete in sometime in the near future? Zone 4 Finals (South) is being held next month where I ride. According to Zone 4 Specs you only need 1 point or the equivalent to $1 earnings to qualify for Zone 4 Finals. I currently am riding a Small pony, Flash. He is a bay roan and we have been doing the Children’s Ponies. So we have technically qualified for Zone 4 Finals. The first finals I have qualified for that I am aware of. I know Zone 2 Finals is today and the top 15 from each division qualify. It’s pretty neat how different zones have different specs! This could be quite interesting. 🙂